All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
