Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
