singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
