that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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