We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
