hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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