So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
