I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
