Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
