Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
