Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
