I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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