one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
