Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
