i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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