listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
