D3 body, D1 cock
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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