there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
