the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
