flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
