so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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