so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
