Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
