Sry I called you an 8
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
