didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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