You're my little dorito
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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