I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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