So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
