I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
