And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
