I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
