no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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