If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
How does one acquire holy water?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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