i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
