Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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