I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
