david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
