dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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