I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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