Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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