you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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