its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
