Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
