I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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