Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Im part way to drunk.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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