I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
NoShamevember. You game?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I touched a dick in church today
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
