Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
