community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
