I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
