I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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